the big secret

I'm sooooooooooo happy! Ecstatic! Elated!

I got to spend a weekend with almost all of my kids...the WHOLE weekend, a three day stint.

Poor Shauna, who was a tad irritated because her tick is tocking now, and she again has to be the bridesmaid at someone else's wedding! It's always been a worry of her's...especially watching all of the kids in our small town marry and start their families, while she was still working away at school.

Her college girlfriend has been in the planning of this for 2 years, and even though there is NO WAY Ms Coleman, Attny at Law, should pull herself away from a pending case in D.C....she has to. She had committed to the honor 2 years ago, and she is just one of those people who still believe in commitment.

The wedding is full of activities and away in Springfield, where Gabe and Ally live and attend college. We pack up the pets and head for a long weekend of camping at their place and hopefully stealing any time that shauna has away from her obligations. It would be impossible to try and commute back and forth to our home which is over hours drive away.

My youngest son, Bill, is in Fayetteville, Arkansas, but has obligations of his own. He has to be in Little Rock for some continuing education to keep his license up to date. He is a bail-bondsman there. As much as we are going to miss him, we all understand work.

I'm very proud of Bill. He knows the value of that work, he knows how to save money, and he does the right thing no matter HOW much his mother nags him to do otherwise. It's amusing to me, that he, the baby, seems to be the one MOST independent of me.

I know Bill will attain any goal he sets for himself....he's my one that has just started this journey and has all the opportunites of the world at his feet. It is so much fun to watch him now....it's like watching an eagle take flight.
Gabriel is the first to offer whatever is needed in any situation. He is always the 'go-to guy' for everyone he knows. He makes his friends his family and his family his life.

He opened his home and insisted we stay there, continued to work while we were there, and maintained his life in SPITE of us being there.
That's Gabe...he has the biggest heart of any human on earth, and that heart is so tender, despite the massive soul that surrounds it...So much so, that deep down I know he will make the best daddy in the world.

The weekend was fabulous. Our time was limited but used wisely. We got to reconnect as a family and rekindle all that is that precious bond.
Ally and Shauna got to form some new bonds. They have really never got to spend extended time together and I witnessed my family growing again as they took the first steps towards sisterhood.

That's what I did the whole weekend. I watched my family and tried not to cry. I reflected on them as babies and marveled at the way they have become adults.
That happened one day while I was at work with some kind of magic I had heard about from older adults, but really didn't believe in. They all became adults when I wasn't looking.

I'm home today with just my little one, Molly Kate who is now 7. I thought I had just had her last week, I thought she was my 'empty nest' cure...but she's seven and quickly becoming her own person.

It is rumored that she is different than others her age....but then again, so were Shauna, Gabe, and Bill. They were all 'special' children. I have no doubts that Molly will grow into an amazing adult, as the three prefacing her did.
I don't know what she'll be when she grows up, but I know she will grow up in a large, loud, humorous, loving family....with many to guarantee her happiness and to give her counsel and wings.

I had the best weekend of my life last weekend, sitting in my jammies, in an apartment sated with noise and animals and laughter. We did not sleep. We napped when we needed to, but spent every second we could together.

Watching my family grow and bloom into amazing adults should be cosidered one of the wonders of the world, but instead is it's unsung phenomena...the big secret no one told me about....and surely the greatest miracle I will ever witness.

my apology for the sunday morning rant!

apologies
sooooooooooo sorry. I'm so very sorry for venting. Here's the story.
In KC we met up with long time online friends, nicki and her husband jim. They have 3 strapping young men for sons, and one little precioussssssssss baby girl, ashlyn.

Ashlyn had a nagging, weird rash...and mommy of COURSE took her to the ped just to double check on it. He ran some blood work, just to make sure it was just a rash.

At 2 am the next morning, after a whirlwind ride of shock, they checked into Childrens in Grand Rapids, MI. Little ashlyn, who's 2 1/2 years old, has leukemia.

Mom, who just ran her little girl in to the local for a check, is now away from home, the boys with daddy at home, and facing at least a MONTH non-stop in the hospital, just to get the ball rolling!. Since none of this was planned, and there was no time to make the preparations one would for an extended vacation, mommy and ashlyn are up there with only the clothes on their backs, and no $$$$

I woke up sunday, and she was my first thought.....and so ended up my sunday post. Just the shock of it all had caught up with me, i guess, and all the anger came pouring out. Sorry you had to witness that,

So anyway...i have a paypal acct with the email of
cobromil@townsqr.com

If any of you reading this, have a few bucks to spare, you can pay pal it to me...im thinking 100 friends, 5 bucks each would make a nice little gift to send onto her. The hidden expenses of this catastrophe are gonna be phenom. They'll have to SUPER clean the house....including vents, and change EVERYTHING about the way they live...pets outside...isolation rooms...etc. As well as the added expense of daddy driving from home, to grand rapids to check on his baby, WHILE trying to keep a normal school schedule with the three older boys, whom im sure are just BLOWN AWAY by the news.

Just a thought. i would LOVE to be able to feel some kind of useful to this family...trying to turn the anger around into a positve i guess.
So, throwing that out there....and if money is too tight this month (and we ALL understand that) PLEASE, offer some prayers up for the easiest possible cure for this baby....and some peace for her family.

thanks,
e

Getting Angry with God

Sounds blasphemous, doesn't it. Sorry, but who else is there to vent at, when all the evil of the world pours into a young life?

The evil is pediatric cancer, and i just can't get passed PISSED!

It's so wrong.

Wrong that it's been around THIS LONG, and the $$$$ have flowed, and we're STILL NO CLOSER!

Wrong that BABIES get this awful disease.

Wrong that their parents have to hold little hands, while the only path we seem to have to remission, is also the path that ravages their little bodies.

Wrong that mommy has to do this. Has to watch the pain of someone that she has labored and brought into this world. Wrong that she has to convince her child that the hurt is 'for the best' Wrong that THIS is her only hope!

IM ANGRY! IT'S UNDESERVING!

This is not a choice anyone made! This is not the fault of a family! We are asked to live our lives with love for each other, humbly, and in His Service. We try to keep our morality high, and give back to the world. We pray.

and then this???

Worse than angry is the helplessness that the bystander feels. We can pray (grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr) and send money, but even then the FRUSTRATION of watching a family fight this beast and really NEVER being able to help them is HELL! WHY WHY WHY??!!

Worse than anger is the feeling in my heart when MY little bundle wakes this morning, and looking at her with the knowledge that is not a discriminating disease...THIS HAPPENS EVERYDAY...to THOUSANDS of families! It will touch all of us in some way. And there is not ONE DAMN THING we can do to prevent it!

I DO question my faith. I'm sorry, but i do!

I'm so angry, and sad, and just...impotent in my mommy need to 'make it all better'

It's been decades of research...WHY is this beast not tamed?! Why is there not a 'cocktail' that ALLOWS a life while the cure is being researched. Why is there not a vaccine? Why is there not even a REASON!?

WHY???

How can THIS much pain in a child BE ALLOWED???

how can mother be PUT THROUGH THIS?

I cannot BELIEVE that the blessings of Life we hold so dear, can be allowed to be RAVAGED! Where is the 'all-knowing, all-loving' PART OF THIS!

Eventually, I know I'll calm down. I'll regret my transgression, I'll fall into a ball of tears and beg for mercy. I'll beg for mercy for the children.

But the fire will still be there, the questions unanswered, the reasons unknown, the cure no closer.

and another mom will get the diagnosis.



I'm so very angry.

Here's little PJ!!

yea yea...i know...you've seen him..ive put him up on my myspace...emailed him around to my friends that don't know them....called people! talked about him at work!! why???...i don't know..

but just LOOK at him! Look at those 'brand new to the world' eyes....SEE THE LOVE...oh man..i can just FEEL it!

There has been SO much strife lately...

losses of children to cancer...

the anniversary of 9-11 and thus of Larry's mom (who just dropped the morning after 9-11...like the shock was too much)

the loss of life in iraq.....and the sheer FRUSTRATION over THAT mess...

so much SAD...that for some reason...this little guy just has SLAPPED me upside the head and said..."I'M HERE! IT'S LIFE! I'ts NEW LIFE! " just CELEBRATE!!

and i feel like spring has sprung all over again.

God Bless you, Daniel and Kathy and your family.

Thank you for getting the results of the test and saying YAY! we're having a BOY! with DS!

I SO know how you felt when we got the news...almost 8 years ago now.....i was off my guourd....but only for a couple of hours....but then?? i said YAY!

New babies...

New Life...

and NEW HOPE

hope for the world.

THESE babies especially offer hope for a new world...a world of acceptance...a world of understanding....and patience...and pure unconditional love. This is what they BRING to us! and maybe, just maybe...we'll take the time to learn.

The Human Destructo-Machine.


That's my Molly...I hear "Little Bear" starting on my bedroom television, so can take a minute to post up...and ONLY Little Bear, Sponge Bob or Dora, can allow me this precious time.
I know...I KNOW, it's not good to let them have too much TV time....the TV should not be the babysitter...etc but GIVE ME A BREAK!

She's MESMERIZED by it! She won't move, she barely breathes and her head is cocked back like it's too big for that little neck, and her mouthed is slightly agape. When we do get a new word out of her, it's not one she's learned in speech, or from the thousands of cards displayed in charts among the rooms of the house...it's a word used by little bear or spongebob or dora. She LOVES them!


Plus? then I get the bonus of a chance to do some of the mommy chore's that await.
My bedroom is a disaster area. She's been in there shredding a little paper, and dumping the basket of toys she keeps in the bassinette. Yep, the borrowed bassinette is still in my bedroom. It now holds bedding, outgrown clothing, and a variety of little hidden treasures I've probably been looking for.


Yes, the bedding has to be right there, as we have to change our sheets daily...if not, it would be necessary to give them a good vacuuming before we dare bunk down for the night. i know, I KNOW!! WHO vacuums their sheets?????


The bed is already stripped,...the sheets in the washer playfully dancing their daily aggitating jig, while all the joys of yesterdays fun and cuisine are sifting out of them.


Her bedroom is nothing BUT wall to wall toys, although they are binned, and she's only allowed one bin at a time...she just can't handle them being all 'cooped up like that' neat, and in their proper place. If it's in a toybox, in a drawer, in a bin or bag...FIRST AND FOREMOST she has to dump it over and free the little captives! She's OBSESSIVE about it!


Her newest thing is pouring. Pouring her beloved pretzels out of the bag, and into a pyrex pudding bowl. She's proud of herself in this endeavor...never mind the OTHER 19 ounces of twists laying on the floor, amid their bed of salty chunk dust...She happily takes off with the little bowl, into my room, to see what's happening in there, and to stick them to my sheets with her magic glue. I'm sure by the look of accomplishment on her face, that she is VERY proud that she can do that all be herself!


We own TWO big dogs, a german shepherd and a chocolate lab...neither of which like pretzels.


I spend my days off, wandering from room to room, examinging the evidence, cleaning up one war zone while listening to another going on in some other room... and smiling. Yea, smiling.
I am amazed everyday at all she's accomplished, her drive, her idiosyncrasies, her climbing ability, her secret-spy hiding places, and the way the fingerprints on the sliding glass door reach all the way to the top!


This from a child born with the pre-diagnosis of 'slow' and 'low muscle tone'. I don't see the slow. I run after her constantly, and yet STILL can't keep ahead of the mess!
So don't come to my house, expecting to sit down without moving a stack of pageless books, and brushing off the cheeto-remains first...and don't expect your drink to come in a real glass. We still operate with corningware and plastic tumblers around here.


Do expect to see happy parents amidst the ruins, who can count among their newly acquired talents being able to sing the opening song of Spongebob Squarepants, and revel at how much she has grown, by measuring the footprint left in ketsup on the blue carpeting.


e

On a side note? I HIGHLY recommend Tide with Febreeze Detergent, the Dyson Animal Vacuum Cleaner which can suck up toys and socks into a tube that allows their rescue without destruction....as well as the Mr Clean Magic Eraser...which has yet to fail us no matter WHAT material she's painting with on ANY surface!

:-)

ok...ive been neglecting this site...so sue me. i have MYSPACE! but now that the newness has worn off, i realize that i also need to hit here..and maybe stumble onto a few more mom's (tag downs syndrome) which is my main focus in life!

Finding the new moms...letting them know it's gonna be ok...and keeping up with the experienced mom's...and LOOKING FOR HELP!!!!!

This marks our first weeks of school, and it's going DOWNHILL FAST! Evidently, miss molly kate has realized that she will NOT be returning to miss sisco's kindergarten class, and WILL be staying in ms white's 1st grade class, AND SHE IS NOT HAPPY ABOUT IT!

This, of course, would be communicated in MISS STINKY PANTS! Hitting..pushing...and throwing.

Ugh...it's just started, and she DOES have the remainder of a nasty cold, so hopefully, with a little time and patience...this too shall pass. I'm thinking though, that for their protection, it's all the OTHER kids that need to wear helmets! ha!

She's also switched from ONLY sponge bob...back to the wiggles. Maybe it's not by accident...maybe she's trying to 'get back there' to the time when she wasn't expected to go potty in the toilet...or go to school....or get up early. Maybe it's what we ALL want sometimes.

On the 'others' updates. Bill and angela are currently on a Carnival Cruiser with bill's brother Josh, and his wife....on the way to cozumel. He's been saving two years for this trip...and im SO proud of him!

Gabriel is back in college...although i know it's stressful as he's acting out, also....but calling ME and raging instead of pushing the kid in class! UGH! Half of me wants to run and help both of them...the other half knows that some things?? they just have to work out for themselves. We'll see which half wins this week.

Shauna is rarely seen, and not often heard from...she's taken a new position with the DOJ, as a prosecuting litigator...and the hours are long and hectic. *beam* Her run-in's with pimps are a little unsettling..but not too, as i could hear her SPARKLING, as she recounts them to me! Yep, she's pumped!

The sarge, i think, enjoyed me being home...at least he ate better during the day! I really want to retire...but am too chicken. Besides...i like to spend my money...and he doesnt like to spend HIS...im sure it would end up being one of them bones....

I took the summer off, and tried to get my missy ready for 1st grade...but mostly got fat and soft. I am not good at home...too comfy.

Nice to see ya...im backkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

e

Weird Missouri Weather

Thanksgiving week, we closed the pool and set up the Christmas tree in the same day, bare foot and in shorts! It was a balmy week of 80 degrees and I was in heaven!

This week, we had our first major storm plow through. I spent a fortune on food and projects to do while iced in, and then we lucked out and were jussssst far enough south NOT to get it! We are however suffering through some of the coldest temps we've seen in awhile. Shauna out in DC, is 30 degrees warmer than us now!

Today, we finally bought the big screen. To everyones dismay, not LCD(sorry gabe) but the rear projection DLP, which would net us more screen size for what we wanted to invest, plus more longevity. Im not sure how it looks, and the sarge is still struggling with putting the stand together while trying to watch the chiefs!

Molly Kate brought home a note from school. She did the big job on the toy toy!! YAY! She is being so stubborn about training....1/2 pure mule, and 1/2 is just shyness!! Who wouldnt NOT WANT people in there cheering on such a private thing! poor kid.

Shauna was home for T-day, but not the boys...hoping for a bigger housefull for Christmas....but mama has to realize that everyone has lives, and both the boys have 'significant others' who also have needs. *sigh* Bill made it home for deer season, and we go to Springfield to see gabe, so at least Molly was THRILLED! Seeing her sibs is the highlight of her life!

We are busy preparing the house for the season (it's so much more fun to do with Molly helping...she is SO busy with the tree decorating, which i'm sure will last all month.) And really looking forward to a New Year...the end of this one has been so full of tragedy...I'm ready to be done with it, and move on to some fun.

My friend and Confidant lost his marriage after many, many years.....and I see him struggling so hard with his decision. All my prayers are with him, as well as my friends from 'the room' ....the place where my girlfriends are.

There are 2 dealing with serious health issues with their 'angel babies', one dealing with her own health issues as well as those of her children, and my bestest bud...who has the world on her shoulders right now, with the beast attacking her sister-in-law, and struggles with relationships of her own.

Kind of vague i know....but still close in my heart and thoughts....amazingly enough, ALL of them were there for me last month, as we dealt with the awfulness here. What great friends i have!

Walmart is just simmering...we've seen some demonstrations, heard rumors, and i feel like come january my job is gonna be ripped right out from under me. I saw that Ford motor did the same thing this month. I hope that the payouts, or 'severence' that they offer is as good as Fords.....it's tough working among the tension, rumors, and split between management & associates...as well as the split between old time associates & the new hires. I really think the Home Office is screwing up with this whole plan. Time will tell.