Autism is a very narcissistic disorder. It is hard to love a child so hard, so much, and have very little returned to you. She doesn't give big hugs often, doesn't seem to have a sympathetic bone in her body (ohhh you are bleeding mommy! that reminds me, i need some ketsup) So first? Let me give a shout out to all my Autism Mommies!! I feel it, girlfriends!!
I'm not complaining, it's just how it is. This is Autism Education 101.
Migraines are debilitating, again, just the facts, jack.
I didn't have them in my youth, but as my life changed due to age, hormonal fluctuations, rag weed content, barometer changes, WHO KNOWS? I did develope them.
Fortunately, with the sleep study and addition to my already full night stand, the bi-pap machine, (yes, bi-pap, not c-pap, i don't do anything half-assed) they have been decreased immensely.
Unfortunately? One migraine a year is one too many.
Today was my day. They wake me early,and in the 1/2 state of unconsciousness, you are aware of extreme nauseousness, and incredible pain...but it's hard to pull out and start to deal with the necessary steps to get them under control. It's so much easier to drift back off to sleep. A little voice in the back of your pounding brain spurs you ahead...it knows that the situation is only going to get worse.
I stumble to the medicine cabinet and start with stomach settlers...pepcid, tums, prilosec...what ever i can get down my unable-to-swallow throat. Then? Excedrine, IB, Tylenol...anything to stop the pain. It has to be done in stages, as again, the ability to keep them IN my tummy is essential.
Then? It has to be quiet and dark. I usually spend the first stages on the back deck, till tummy is under control, as I am considered armed and dangerous at that point. It's unpredictable, violent, and explosive. This ensures that the poor sarge isn't liable for seriously gross cleanup duties. Only after the dancing stomach is eased can i crawl back into my bed.....shhhhhhhh just quiet and dark...just for a little bit.
OK, you have the whole game plan....back to Autism. Molly has also woken early, and has some serious issues that need my attention. Ugh. No, daddy can not be trusted to fix breakfast, or pour the ketsup correctly. "No, Daddy!! Stay!" (stay is her new word, and she uses it with hand signals...except, to her, it means 'stay away')
This morning? A small miracle occurred. I touched her hand to my pounding Melon...and said "Molly, Mommy's head...OW...Hurt....Light off...one minute!"
SHE COMPLIED!! I gave her my phone, she happily took off with it flipping my bedroom light off, and left me for an hour to get things under control. I started buying smaller containers of milk & chocolate milk so that she can grab one of them (no denying the morning fluid intake with her...ever) and lulled back off for a full hour of uninterrupted quiet & snoozing.
She reentered the bedroom, and became extremely verbal..."Eien" (she doesn't call me 'mommy' it's a spin off of my first name) Juice, ketsup- red, dinosaur-reen (a green dorothy the dinosaur is in her hand) eggs, toast, corrrrn (fork) tail (she also has a life sized Dorothy the Dinosaur Tail) Dora!! Boots!! Amote!! (i need to get the remote and start the DVR) I guess my time off is over, but it's ok, the worst also is over.
Yes, dear...here i come. THANK YOU for being so patient.
TV is on, breakfast is served, and even though it's going to be a really rainy holiday weekend? I'M THRILLED....everything is coming up roses here!!
Another year older!
8 months ago