I was pretty upset to find the only programming on a Saturday night devoted to 9/11 to be "Reign on Me" ...Adam Sandler's finest work, he embodies the chaos and depression that followed the tragedy that touched EVERYONE in this country 9 years ago. He lives how we want to live...buried in our own worlds and pushing those memories away....far away.
Nothing? Not one other program or documentary?
Because it happened to fall on a weekend this year, do we not have to remember?
Is it just too depressing for television to replay?
I wonder how long it will be when 9/11 has the same questioning looks from the young, as D-Day has to my children today.
I was getting ready for work, sitting at my vanity in our old farmhouse, with the news running on the television- sound muted. The boys were still at home and prepping for highschool, molly was an infant cooing on the bed and shauna was in Spg in college. It was a typical weekday morning.
I saw the hole in the first tower and stopped to turn the sound on....then i yelled for Larry to come see this! On my bedroom TV screen, it seemed a small plane had lost it's bearing and clipped a skyscraper in NYC.
Just as i started to call again, "Larry! come and look at this!"...the 2nd plane hit. I don't remember what sound came out of my throat, but i did turn to see all my men trying to get through my bedroom door simultaneously....a comical sight so out of place with the bile that was beginning to rise in my throat. "This can NOT be happening" We continued to watch, but also continued on with our day's preparation...this was NYC...this has to be a stunt.
On the drive into work, I heard about the Pentagon and started to panic ...up to this time, i still thought this was something else...my mind could not comprehend the magnitude of this assault.
As i walked into work, i met our loss/prevention guy, and told about the Pentagon. He did not acknowledge that i had spoken, just pivoted and started running....again....i am so confused watching this action.... like I'm watching from the rafters....it's just so surreal.
Continued into the Pharmacy and repeated the news...we had no information lifeline in our sealed off piece of the world, PDA's were not common then...and my co-workers were clamoring for the latest news...could this really happening??
I remember watching the face of one my Pharmacists draining of all color...he fell silent amidst the din of our conversations...Larry called to tell me about the rumor of the Boston flight......yes, it started out as a rumor....it has to be someone's over-reaction to a separate incident. Shauna also had called...in my stupor, I forgot that my step-daughter, Jennie, had moved to Manhattan.....there was no phone service in or out...this news started to let the terror loose in my heart...Jennie was in NYC.
I took a break, and ran to the Cell Phone dealer across from us in the parking lot...always finding it odd that they sold cell phones and big screen TVs there (big screens were new to the ozarks then) but was thankful for it today. I wasn't the only one drawn to this business....it was packed with a silent crowd gathered around the main display. I don't remember anyone speaking ....people just walked in and stopped dead in their tracks watching as the towers fell...again and again and again.
What seemed like hours later, that one Pharmacist..... a young, quiet, humorous man, got a phone call...and he animated for the first time by putting his face in his hands...was he crying? I did not know his brother worked at the Pentagon...I can't remember him mentioning it before..... his mom had called and relayed the news that brother had been late to work that day...he was safe, and the first of us left for the day.
Shauna also called to tell me Jennie was safe...she had heard from their brother.
I stayed the day at work...a testament to the disbelief.....and wish i could have stayed in that state of denial forever. Maybe that's why there was no programming last night....maybe we all want to stay in that deep denial.
I see the unresolved pain still today...I don't think the current debate has as much to do with the whole "Mosque" building on ground zero..I think it's all the pain and hate of that one horrible day, still reverberating 9 years later....Fresh as day one in the city that took the hit, and heartbreaking to the rest of the world that surrounds that city....it comes out as anger tinged with Hate.
Like the parents that suffered the loss of their babies in that tower daycare, we continue to trudge along, trying to bury the pain and continue our lives...only to have that grief resurface and explode at any given moment with the original fury of that day.
this week I remember....and wish you peace.
Another year older!
4 months ago