Wednesday morning, i got a call from sister Patty. ..I worked late (10am) and had just finished getting Molly ready for school.
My mom, had been taken to an ER for SOB (shortness of breath) and weakness 3 days prior. She just needed a couple of pints of blood, and was fine. Dr wanted to do an endoscope, just to make sure there wasn't a stomach bleed, as she was wayyyyyyyyyy anemic and he wanted to find out what caused it.
The anesthetic for the endo, caused mom to crash...she was in ICU, on a respirator, and when I asked patty where her fear factor was (our method) she said "10" and started booking a flight on the other phone.
God Bless the sarge, when he heard me ask "Is she still breathing?" he scooped up molly, ran her to school, and filled up the Tahoe. By the time he got back i had a carry-on packed, had called work, and ticket was purchased (side note, to charter a plane is $1200.00/hr w/ a 3 hr minimum...didn't ask about the jet that was offered) I decided that commercial was the way to go.
I guess i look pretty bad...didn't bother with the hair or makeup..just made a beeline for Spg..which is an hour and a half away. I was pulled out of the security line, asked to place my palms out, and ordered DON'T MOVE until I've been given the "thumbs up". They take the swipe, run it through a machine, and then give me the sign..I try to explain to them that I'm flying for a medical emergency, and am assured the checks are random. (yea right-remember, fix your hair before entering an airport)
So...on the plane i start looking around, and see the whole plane is full of grown ups with special needs. There is a company called "Sundown", and they arrange for group tours and chaperons for excursions.. Turns out, this group has been to Branson, and are heading back to Colo Spgs, like me. I settle in, and know that my karma is in place.
I chat with the guardian, and she tells me she is from Seattle, and will be flying out of Denver (yep, we all have to change planes at Denver) and the 4 that are sitting closest to me, will travel on to Colo Spgs...sweet.
The second we got at cruising altitude, the man with DS, and his roommate/girlfriend pull out huge, matching sandwiches and start noshing...I put on the new Bose buds i scored at the Katy, Tx mall, and drift off to thoughts of my mama.....when a horrible odor interrupts them...roommate/girlfriend has hurled that "yet to be digested" sandwich 4 rows ahead and 2 across, and is currently in the bathroom (I'm sitting across from it, yay) and won't come out. This has caused much dismay to the line of people who need to whiz (on an hour & a half flight-my new lucky number) and are squirming in the small aisle....not to mention the four rows of passengers who are picking pastrami on rye out of their hair. The kicker is that odor...we're on a plane...we can't open a window...so it just gets evenly dispensed so that the passengers in first class can share in our joy. This is truly the Cosmic Calamity that follows me like a dark cloud...I jump to help, but can't wipe the stupid grin off my face...this whole scenario is hysterical.
For some reason, we're delayed getting into Denver..i just need to check with sister patty, make sure mom is still alive and bolt for the gate. We land at gate 38, our connection is at gate 90, and chaperon asks me to hold the plane for my new friends, as she knows they cannot sprint the 50 gate marathon. I get there TWO FRIGGIN MINUTES after the connection has left, and am given boarding passes for a flight that leaves in .......an hour and a 1/2.
I call Patty and tell her the struggle I'm having to get off the sticks, about my delay, and that I'm heading outside for air (God Please fresh Air!) and to do the nasty (really a burden cuz this means another trip thru security) She gives me news i didn't know existed anymore! DIA has a smoking bar! YAY! It's at gate 38! BOO! The 50 gate marathon begins again, and I sniff my way to the bar.
I walk out a little wobbly as I decide while smoking, I should self-medicate (beefeater martini's) and remain calm for the next leg of the trip...a whopping 15 minutes....plus i don't want to walk into ICU and start beating up doctors who were TOLD that mom crashes with the big meds....they SWEAR, they just used a little bit of versed~Not that it's in my plan, but panic and me do not mix well...i HAVE to remain calm! It's a long walk back...and at one point I'm standing in front of a gate leaving for DuBai and seriously consider it.
Get back to almost gate 88 of 90, and am hit in the chest by a freight train who proceeds to wrap around me...wth? It's now-stinky roommate/girlfriend!! It seems, that even though there was a 1 & 1/2 hour delay, chaperon still went to catch her flight, and left these poor souls sitting at the gate! THEY WERE SCARED! Lord, I never thought to check on them, and NEVER thought they would be dumped in DIA. I assured them everything was OK & they tell me some "Juanita" is suppose to be picking them up. They don't know her last name, but do tell me the name of the community they live at...I look it up and call, but get an answering machine...it's after 7pm in Colorado. This is NOT GOOD! I have someone else to focus my panic-rage on...maybe.
We finally get to board, and i ask for their passes...they are positioned all over the plane. We get to board first (membership has it's privileges) and they stop when i crawl into the window seat on row 7. "hell, just sit here with me" and we promptly fill the row across both sides of the aisle. As people stop..look at the four us (remember, I am a WRECK) and say "I'M in 7B", I just hand them a different boarding pass and say, "Nope, now you're in 23C" No one argued, again, it's hysterical....the fear that jumps from ignorance.... Always amazing and funny to me.
We finally made it to the Springs, and sure enough there was a frazzled, young woman waiting. Anita and I had a chat about cell phones and contact numbers needed for these excursions...and I left my new, stinky friends with her *whew* and went to find my ride. Poor cousin Michele must have been driving for hours around that airport.
Enter...the ICU
The hospital has a hard time being too scary, it's 2 years old. I was amazed all all the innovations that were being used. Mom's blood pressure was monitored in a vein...no cuff. The other thing that stood out, was how quiet it was. There were no beepers and bells ringing 24/7...which can confuse elderly patients. A wonderfully electric shade made sure we had a bright view of the mountains in the morning, and it was dark at night..keeping everyone well-grounded. It also only served meals by call (no racks of trays coming up...you eat when you feel like it, and all orders are made to specs) and *drum roll* had a STARBUCKS downstairs, and only served SB coffee everywhere!
(Hospital lobby with view of Pikes Peak)
Fast forward 3 days, the vent comes off of mom and all my sibs make it to her bedside. My dad is...well, not reacting to things the way i would (edit/erase/rephrase) but it's not something we have to worry about too much, because my Uncle Bob never leaves us, and is handling Dad. Everyone reacts to panic situations differently i suppose...and Thank God for Uncle Bob, he was a Godsend and a rock.
(Uncle Bob and Aunt Ursula)
The Respiratory Therapists were pretty funny, asking me about my CPAP...guess my snoring was quite the topic! With the exception of that bit of teasing and humor, it was terrifying being up there in ICU...in 12 hours i watched 2 different families lose loved ones...one 55 yr old dad, and one 21 yr old daughter. There is no escaping the sounds and the sights of the grim reaper...and I couldn't wait to be out of there. (Blessings on those families) They let me stay with mom every night, in a very uncomfortable chair...which was fine with me, there would be no reaper visiting our room, not on my watch.
Interesting side note...she had to be kept under while on the respirator, but not on any usual downer meds.(SHE CAN'T TAKE THEM!!) and i asked about the milky white drip hanging with her other IVs...i recognize names like Levaquin and Bactrim....but not the 3rd one.
Nurse Ratchet said "Proponal"...and I'm all "oooooh, that's the Michael Jackson Juice!" She did not find that at all amuzing at all and was not impressed that I knew that..just said it was an anesthetic, they did not call it that, and it was only used for special cases, and only while people were on respirators. Then she winked and said "We call it Milk of Amnesia"
Interesting because of the speed in which it dissipates from the system. It's magic..if we needed to have responses from mom, or do a breathing test, they would just turn the dial down from 10 to 5, and immediately her eyes would pop open. They would leave her up just long enough to satisfy whatever question they had, and as soon as she started to fight the vent, would turn the knob back up to "10" and out she went. They told me she would never remember being on the vent. Amazing stuff....and made me angrier at Michael's doctor.
Terror, humor, and family connection...sounds weird...it was, seriously...we call it "Bizzaro World" but I soaked it up, anyway... Got to run to Patty's house one night, wash the clothes i had been wearing for 2 days, grab a shower, and meet the herd of grand-nieces and nephews...they were amazing. Ages 16 to 2 yrs..Patty's house stays like grand central station. There wasn't an empty sleeping-couch while Mom was critical...all the little ones were there, all the parents took care of each other's kids, so that one couple could always be at the hospital. My sister Jeri and her hubby Carl were staying there, as well as Alyssa, Patty's daughter, who flew in from Texas. She is just like my shauna, immediately went grocery shopping, and kept everyone fed.
Operating like a well-oiled machine, i don't remember seeing fights, or hearing any crying. The kids (maybe 10 of them total) were all SO VERY well mannered! Would have never happened that way when we were little....more like my parents prayed that they didn't have to call the fire truck or an ambulance when WE all got together!
It was such a short, wonderful, stressful reunion. At one point the doctor told us that there was a 15% chance that mom would not be able to come off the vent. He wanted to try it, and wanted us to sign documentation regarding whether we wanted her left on it, or not. TERRIFYING!! We opted to wait for my brother Rich, and sister to get there...stoving him off for 12 hours. Turns out, early the next morning with just Patty and I there, the RT nurse said mom would be just fine, and pulled it out! BAM! she was not breathing deep enough, so we opted for the BI-PAP, which is less invasive, and within a couple of hours, she was trying to talk. The respirator left her raspy, and sore. She had a lot of questions, but mostly was scared to death she had fallen and broken something again! As soon as i told her it was just a setback with her lungs (and kidneys) and that she would be up and out quick, she relaxed. Poor thing, how scary would that be?
I didn't tell her at the time that her kidneys were operating at less than 5%, and that the doctors were talking about dialysis. Karma was with us again, as within 12 hours, her little kidneys started working again. There is not much left of them, they say it's caused by unmonitored high blood pressure, but they are up & working and can be cared for with daily meds, and a restricted diet. No more big protein meals for mom.
I told her that my brother was even coming with his 2 boys (from Greeley) and whom I haven't seen since THEY were toddlers, and she looked at me and asked "Am I Dying?" ...so bittersweet.
"No, mom, you're in Colorado...everyone lives here"
Younger generation?? Make sure you are getting home to see your family more than once or twice a decade.
(brother rich and one of his 2 boys, Danny)
(the cutie-patootie grand nieces and nephews)
(Alyssa, me & mom-post vent)
As soon as she moved downstairs, I spent my last night with her. I didn't want to tell her it was time, but I had to get back home. We spent the night watching some Music Awards show, holding hands(my chair is again right next to her bed)and waking every hour to her whispering "do you have to go yet?" *sniff* I think the hardest thing I've ever had to do was leave her. If Molly had been with me, I wouldn't have....the sarge would have had to come pay some kind of ransom & drag us back. Slipped out for a 4am trip back to Denver, and ran for the door with a quick "see you later" holding the tears. I hate goodbyes...just like Molly....it's really difficult when you have just witnessed how fast the Reaper can sneak in. She's in good hands, though, with sister patty, I trust her judgement.
(sister, Pat...on guard in my uncomfortable chair/bed)
Caught a $100 ticket on the way back..was the last seat on the plane (amazing during the holiday rush) and had to transfer at Dallas. Again, a delay, as we had to De-ice (pretty comical since I'm still wearing flip-flops...panic packing never includes shoes) another new experience.
All the way to Dallas the flight attendant is announcing that she has a phone number to re-book, if we miss our connecting flights. I'm not worried, I have a what??? a 1 & 1/2 hour delay between flights. Check my watch, plenty of time....plus we de-plane at C Concourse, and the connecting is at D. So I walk off the plane, find a bathroom, and catch the skycab to Concourse D. Now, when I printed the passes at Denver, I only got one...so I walk up to the ticket counter at an empty gate....I must be really early and actually glad about it, there's a coffee shop right across from the gate, and the way things are looking, it's gonna be the only cup I get for the day. I'm half tempted to stop before going to talk to the scary counter ladies.
I step up, and before I can explain the situation about the missing boarding pass, one barks "What's your name!" "Wilson" "good, get on board!" wow...that's never happened, but, you don't question the TSA anymore, and I do as I'm told.
It dawns on me, as they close the plane-door behind me, that I forgot to change my watch from MST to CST. Holy Cow! I almost missed my flight and didn't even know it! The sarge was picking me up in Spg, and we timed the ticket so that I could get there, and we could get home before Molly got out of school! EEK!!
So, God DOES takes care of children and fools, and my mama, too.
Part II?? too sad to write about.....maybe later. Hey, go hug your moms, and say YES to the reunion that is undoubtedly being prepared. You just never know.......
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Autumn...the end of a wonderful summer
Lemme see, last post was returning from Houston, TX, and basking in the warmth of good girl-friendship. We came home to a well managed home (thanks Larry)...molly was fine with my absence (first time) I've noticed the fits have stopped when the kids prepare to leave home, or we leave THEIR homes...I think she' finally figured out that it's really not 'goodbye' ..it's "see you later" A good lesson to learn for both of us! (yes, kids, i do realize i hover...am working on it) :-)
What have we been up to?
I have been big into appreciating my life, my husband and my children...they are all such wonderful people, and I am blessed to have them.
We had a really great Halloween:
Finished the Antenna install, which has made for one really happy husband:
Watched as Molly Kate fell head over heels in love with her newest niece, Zoey Grace:
My little biscuits:
Zoey loves her nanners:
And she's starting to crawl:
And rekindled the love for #1...Aubrey Jo (blurry but you get the gist)
What have we been up to?
I have been big into appreciating my life, my husband and my children...they are all such wonderful people, and I am blessed to have them.
We had a really great Halloween:
Finished the Antenna install, which has made for one really happy husband:
Watched as Molly Kate fell head over heels in love with her newest niece, Zoey Grace:
My little biscuits:
Zoey loves her nanners:
And she's starting to crawl:
And rekindled the love for #1...Aubrey Jo (blurry but you get the gist)
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Friendship is Golden
I'm trying to make summer last as long as possible. Good ole molly is helping with that, as today we are trying to close the pool, and cover it, as the leaves are just starting to turn. We're in what is called "Indian Summer" as we've already had our first frost, but today feels like June....a balmy 80 degrees.
Molly has put away the air pump, which we need to blow up the baffle that goes under the pool cover (to keep the cover from falling and gathering water in the middle) so I'm diverted to go to her room, to find it. I open the door and EEK!! EVERYTHING is out of any toy box, and drawers, and any sort of storage that i have in there...the baffle hangs across the couch while i sort thru this mess. Now i have toys soaking in the bath in bleach water, and am loading up a 30 gal trash bag of expensive, broken developmental toys *sigh* and sorting out a million books. We definitely need to downsize in there! We did get all the Halloween books out, and mommy took a second to read those to her. Part of the Autism, we have to prepare for Halloween, or there is total melt-downs when it comes time to dress up. We also are preferred customers at amazon as we purchase many seasonal dvd's from her favorite people...Little Bear, Sponge Bob, Maisy, and Dora.
So in the middle of all of this, i notice that the poor blog has also been neglected, and i sit here, taking a break, having a cup of coffee, updating, and betting the pool does not get covered today...ugh.
This year school has been amazing. She is now in the 4th grade, which is downstairs with the big kids, and involves switching classes throughout the day. Transition is not her strong suit, and all of us worried about it, but she really has been thriving! She is excited to go in the morning, and the ratio of good days to bad is AMAZING!! Shout outs and love to all her teachers that are making this a stellar year! She is also very much a tween, and we're having to get her up a little earlier everyday...as there is always arguments about what shirt she is going to wear. I am almost glad that she only will wear fleece pants (sensory issues) as she takes FOREVER to pick out what top she is going to wear.
Mommy got to take her annual weekend off, and flew to meet up with her bestest buds. There were 8 of us (all with kids with special needs) and as a bonus, Shauna flew in (had work in Houston) and her and my neice, Alyssa, who is the same age as Shauna, tagged along to see how moms who rarely get a day off, let alone a whole weekend, let their hair down.
I love you guys immensley, and work all year for the precious time that we have together. Thank you for being there!
This year's get-together was hosted by Brandi, and man, can those Texans throw a football party! Friends of friends and new friends to us gave us a big ole southern welcome, put on a huge pot of gumbo, and enjoyed football like I've never witnessed before. Our most humble thanks to all of you for your hospitality.
Even the puppies were decked out!! too funny!
Larry's been working hard to realize a 10 yr old goal, which is to erect an antenna that will enable him to again contest world wide. We are one week and a crane rental away from making that dream a reality. He has wonderful friends that have come over and worked for DAYS to accomplish this.
So this week the main focus is the Appreciation of Friendship. From school buds and teachers , to local guys who'll give up their own weekends to help, to girlfriends across the country whom i depend on to maintain balance and sanity....THANK YOU! Words cannot express our gratitude and fondness for you. Blessings to you and yours.
Molly has put away the air pump, which we need to blow up the baffle that goes under the pool cover (to keep the cover from falling and gathering water in the middle) so I'm diverted to go to her room, to find it. I open the door and EEK!! EVERYTHING is out of any toy box, and drawers, and any sort of storage that i have in there...the baffle hangs across the couch while i sort thru this mess. Now i have toys soaking in the bath in bleach water, and am loading up a 30 gal trash bag of expensive, broken developmental toys *sigh* and sorting out a million books. We definitely need to downsize in there! We did get all the Halloween books out, and mommy took a second to read those to her. Part of the Autism, we have to prepare for Halloween, or there is total melt-downs when it comes time to dress up. We also are preferred customers at amazon as we purchase many seasonal dvd's from her favorite people...Little Bear, Sponge Bob, Maisy, and Dora.
So in the middle of all of this, i notice that the poor blog has also been neglected, and i sit here, taking a break, having a cup of coffee, updating, and betting the pool does not get covered today...ugh.
This year school has been amazing. She is now in the 4th grade, which is downstairs with the big kids, and involves switching classes throughout the day. Transition is not her strong suit, and all of us worried about it, but she really has been thriving! She is excited to go in the morning, and the ratio of good days to bad is AMAZING!! Shout outs and love to all her teachers that are making this a stellar year! She is also very much a tween, and we're having to get her up a little earlier everyday...as there is always arguments about what shirt she is going to wear. I am almost glad that she only will wear fleece pants (sensory issues) as she takes FOREVER to pick out what top she is going to wear.
Mommy got to take her annual weekend off, and flew to meet up with her bestest buds. There were 8 of us (all with kids with special needs) and as a bonus, Shauna flew in (had work in Houston) and her and my neice, Alyssa, who is the same age as Shauna, tagged along to see how moms who rarely get a day off, let alone a whole weekend, let their hair down.
I love you guys immensley, and work all year for the precious time that we have together. Thank you for being there!
This year's get-together was hosted by Brandi, and man, can those Texans throw a football party! Friends of friends and new friends to us gave us a big ole southern welcome, put on a huge pot of gumbo, and enjoyed football like I've never witnessed before. Our most humble thanks to all of you for your hospitality.
Even the puppies were decked out!! too funny!
Larry's been working hard to realize a 10 yr old goal, which is to erect an antenna that will enable him to again contest world wide. We are one week and a crane rental away from making that dream a reality. He has wonderful friends that have come over and worked for DAYS to accomplish this.
So this week the main focus is the Appreciation of Friendship. From school buds and teachers , to local guys who'll give up their own weekends to help, to girlfriends across the country whom i depend on to maintain balance and sanity....THANK YOU! Words cannot express our gratitude and fondness for you. Blessings to you and yours.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Where were you?
I was pretty upset to find the only programming on a Saturday night devoted to 9/11 to be "Reign on Me" ...Adam Sandler's finest work, he embodies the chaos and depression that followed the tragedy that touched EVERYONE in this country 9 years ago. He lives how we want to live...buried in our own worlds and pushing those memories away....far away.
Nothing? Not one other program or documentary?
Because it happened to fall on a weekend this year, do we not have to remember?
Is it just too depressing for television to replay?
I wonder how long it will be when 9/11 has the same questioning looks from the young, as D-Day has to my children today.
I was getting ready for work, sitting at my vanity in our old farmhouse, with the news running on the television- sound muted. The boys were still at home and prepping for highschool, molly was an infant cooing on the bed and shauna was in Spg in college. It was a typical weekday morning.
I saw the hole in the first tower and stopped to turn the sound on....then i yelled for Larry to come see this! On my bedroom TV screen, it seemed a small plane had lost it's bearing and clipped a skyscraper in NYC.
Just as i started to call again, "Larry! come and look at this!"...the 2nd plane hit. I don't remember what sound came out of my throat, but i did turn to see all my men trying to get through my bedroom door simultaneously....a comical sight so out of place with the bile that was beginning to rise in my throat. "This can NOT be happening" We continued to watch, but also continued on with our day's preparation...this was NYC...this has to be a stunt.
On the drive into work, I heard about the Pentagon and started to panic ...up to this time, i still thought this was something else...my mind could not comprehend the magnitude of this assault.
As i walked into work, i met our loss/prevention guy, and told about the Pentagon. He did not acknowledge that i had spoken, just pivoted and started running....again....i am so confused watching this action.... like I'm watching from the rafters....it's just so surreal.
Continued into the Pharmacy and repeated the news...we had no information lifeline in our sealed off piece of the world, PDA's were not common then...and my co-workers were clamoring for the latest news...could this really happening??
I remember watching the face of one my Pharmacists draining of all color...he fell silent amidst the din of our conversations...Larry called to tell me about the rumor of the Boston flight......yes, it started out as a rumor....it has to be someone's over-reaction to a separate incident. Shauna also had called...in my stupor, I forgot that my step-daughter, Jennie, had moved to Manhattan.....there was no phone service in or out...this news started to let the terror loose in my heart...Jennie was in NYC.
I took a break, and ran to the Cell Phone dealer across from us in the parking lot...always finding it odd that they sold cell phones and big screen TVs there (big screens were new to the ozarks then) but was thankful for it today. I wasn't the only one drawn to this business....it was packed with a silent crowd gathered around the main display. I don't remember anyone speaking ....people just walked in and stopped dead in their tracks watching as the towers fell...again and again and again.
What seemed like hours later, that one Pharmacist..... a young, quiet, humorous man, got a phone call...and he animated for the first time by putting his face in his hands...was he crying? I did not know his brother worked at the Pentagon...I can't remember him mentioning it before..... his mom had called and relayed the news that brother had been late to work that day...he was safe, and the first of us left for the day.
Shauna also called to tell me Jennie was safe...she had heard from their brother.
I stayed the day at work...a testament to the disbelief.....and wish i could have stayed in that state of denial forever. Maybe that's why there was no programming last night....maybe we all want to stay in that deep denial.
I see the unresolved pain still today...I don't think the current debate has as much to do with the whole "Mosque" building on ground zero..I think it's all the pain and hate of that one horrible day, still reverberating 9 years later....Fresh as day one in the city that took the hit, and heartbreaking to the rest of the world that surrounds that city....it comes out as anger tinged with Hate.
Like the parents that suffered the loss of their babies in that tower daycare, we continue to trudge along, trying to bury the pain and continue our lives...only to have that grief resurface and explode at any given moment with the original fury of that day.
this week I remember....and wish you peace.
Nothing? Not one other program or documentary?
Because it happened to fall on a weekend this year, do we not have to remember?
Is it just too depressing for television to replay?
I wonder how long it will be when 9/11 has the same questioning looks from the young, as D-Day has to my children today.
I was getting ready for work, sitting at my vanity in our old farmhouse, with the news running on the television- sound muted. The boys were still at home and prepping for highschool, molly was an infant cooing on the bed and shauna was in Spg in college. It was a typical weekday morning.
I saw the hole in the first tower and stopped to turn the sound on....then i yelled for Larry to come see this! On my bedroom TV screen, it seemed a small plane had lost it's bearing and clipped a skyscraper in NYC.
Just as i started to call again, "Larry! come and look at this!"...the 2nd plane hit. I don't remember what sound came out of my throat, but i did turn to see all my men trying to get through my bedroom door simultaneously....a comical sight so out of place with the bile that was beginning to rise in my throat. "This can NOT be happening" We continued to watch, but also continued on with our day's preparation...this was NYC...this has to be a stunt.
On the drive into work, I heard about the Pentagon and started to panic ...up to this time, i still thought this was something else...my mind could not comprehend the magnitude of this assault.
As i walked into work, i met our loss/prevention guy, and told about the Pentagon. He did not acknowledge that i had spoken, just pivoted and started running....again....i am so confused watching this action.... like I'm watching from the rafters....it's just so surreal.
Continued into the Pharmacy and repeated the news...we had no information lifeline in our sealed off piece of the world, PDA's were not common then...and my co-workers were clamoring for the latest news...could this really happening??
I remember watching the face of one my Pharmacists draining of all color...he fell silent amidst the din of our conversations...Larry called to tell me about the rumor of the Boston flight......yes, it started out as a rumor....it has to be someone's over-reaction to a separate incident. Shauna also had called...in my stupor, I forgot that my step-daughter, Jennie, had moved to Manhattan.....there was no phone service in or out...this news started to let the terror loose in my heart...Jennie was in NYC.
I took a break, and ran to the Cell Phone dealer across from us in the parking lot...always finding it odd that they sold cell phones and big screen TVs there (big screens were new to the ozarks then) but was thankful for it today. I wasn't the only one drawn to this business....it was packed with a silent crowd gathered around the main display. I don't remember anyone speaking ....people just walked in and stopped dead in their tracks watching as the towers fell...again and again and again.
What seemed like hours later, that one Pharmacist..... a young, quiet, humorous man, got a phone call...and he animated for the first time by putting his face in his hands...was he crying? I did not know his brother worked at the Pentagon...I can't remember him mentioning it before..... his mom had called and relayed the news that brother had been late to work that day...he was safe, and the first of us left for the day.
Shauna also called to tell me Jennie was safe...she had heard from their brother.
I stayed the day at work...a testament to the disbelief.....and wish i could have stayed in that state of denial forever. Maybe that's why there was no programming last night....maybe we all want to stay in that deep denial.
I see the unresolved pain still today...I don't think the current debate has as much to do with the whole "Mosque" building on ground zero..I think it's all the pain and hate of that one horrible day, still reverberating 9 years later....Fresh as day one in the city that took the hit, and heartbreaking to the rest of the world that surrounds that city....it comes out as anger tinged with Hate.
Like the parents that suffered the loss of their babies in that tower daycare, we continue to trudge along, trying to bury the pain and continue our lives...only to have that grief resurface and explode at any given moment with the original fury of that day.
this week I remember....and wish you peace.
Monday, September 06, 2010
My Weekend in St Louis!
2010-9 StL |
This week? My pictures will do the talking..
just click on the above photo to come to St Louis with us!
Sunday, August 29, 2010
almost Sept...summer came & went in one week!
??? already?? no WAY!! School is in session, we are already into a routine with it, and I'm dragging my feet! I love summer, and probably need to move to where it happens all year long.
This week was a little crazy....working hard, and running hard, and getting back to school...I'm forcing myself to put down some thoughts here, before they're all forgotten, it's been THAT kind of busy!
Ran to the airport Friday to pick up my eldest sister...Patty is driving mom and dad to her home in Colo Spgs...we had a short but great visit as I worked Saturday, which turned out to be a good thing, as I'm not good with goodbyes. Molly handled it well, but I'm not sure she understands they'll all be gone for awhile. *sniff* Prayers for my mom as she continues her path to full recovery, I'm gonna miss her something fierce!
Today is my only day off till the holiday weekend, and I'm putting my house back together...we lost a pool pump, the glass to my stove, and the A/C in ONE WEEK!! We're still in a drought outside, but inside my house?? it's POURING!! everything is fixed now except my poor checkbook...which has taken a monumental hit...so I can't gripe about all the extra work hours....I think I'll be paying off Disney until Christmas, and am on a self-imposed spending ban until that day is reached. (which really sux cuz reallllllyyy i want an Ipad!!!)
Gabe passed his background check and is now a licenced bail-bondsman with brother Bill, while also being a full time college student, husband, and daddy. Him and Ally will be getting married in a private ceremony in Vegas on New Years! CONGRATS KIDS!! I am so proud of the man he became...worried about him in his teenage years as he struggled with "being a Miller" but in living up to the genepool, he's thisssssss close to reaching all his goals. Our Ally, his fiance, is an amazing woman in her own right...And I am so proud & happy to have her as my daughter-in-law.
Little Bill slipped home for a visit, and as usual i stocked up the cupboards and fridge only to find out that both the boys are now living healthy...gabe's down 25 pounds, and Bill? 10-15! He didn't eat anything i bought, opting for the watermelon, salads, and broiled fish! I need to get on this bandwagon! He continues to be my amazing son, the man with the plan. I whined that he needed to live closer, and he calmly looked at me and said "2 years, mom". The man with the plan, who sticks to it no matter what. I want to be just like him when i grow up!
Shauna, who's been finishing up a big case at work in DC, took the weekend to visit with some girlfriends and her sis, Jennie, in Jamaica! She's just getting home....and we're hoping that the weekend Glen Beck fiasco in the district isn't messing with her inbound flight too bad. I think we're going to get together the end of next month...so I'm giddy with anticipation over that!
and molly....my beautiful molly...is SO loving being back to school with all of her teachers and friends. She regaining more words everyday...and although she doesn't say bad ones, will admonish her father if he slips (Cardinal pitching), which lets me know she is AWARE of the bad words! It's too funny to watch her hands on her hips, and her low voice saying "dadddddddddddy" in that tone that means he's in trouble.
She was so animated at Disney! and LOVED the scary rides!! My beautiful girl....
and this? this is 13 seconds after we walked from the airport to the long-distance parking. :-)
ALSO? A big shout out to all the readers that nominated me for the medical transcription blogging award!! I was so surprised and happy to add it! THANK YOU!!
This week was a little crazy....working hard, and running hard, and getting back to school...I'm forcing myself to put down some thoughts here, before they're all forgotten, it's been THAT kind of busy!
Ran to the airport Friday to pick up my eldest sister...Patty is driving mom and dad to her home in Colo Spgs...we had a short but great visit as I worked Saturday, which turned out to be a good thing, as I'm not good with goodbyes. Molly handled it well, but I'm not sure she understands they'll all be gone for awhile. *sniff* Prayers for my mom as she continues her path to full recovery, I'm gonna miss her something fierce!
Today is my only day off till the holiday weekend, and I'm putting my house back together...we lost a pool pump, the glass to my stove, and the A/C in ONE WEEK!! We're still in a drought outside, but inside my house?? it's POURING!! everything is fixed now except my poor checkbook...which has taken a monumental hit...so I can't gripe about all the extra work hours....I think I'll be paying off Disney until Christmas, and am on a self-imposed spending ban until that day is reached. (which really sux cuz reallllllyyy i want an Ipad!!!)
Gabe passed his background check and is now a licenced bail-bondsman with brother Bill, while also being a full time college student, husband, and daddy. Him and Ally will be getting married in a private ceremony in Vegas on New Years! CONGRATS KIDS!! I am so proud of the man he became...worried about him in his teenage years as he struggled with "being a Miller" but in living up to the genepool, he's thisssssss close to reaching all his goals. Our Ally, his fiance, is an amazing woman in her own right...And I am so proud & happy to have her as my daughter-in-law.
Little Bill slipped home for a visit, and as usual i stocked up the cupboards and fridge only to find out that both the boys are now living healthy...gabe's down 25 pounds, and Bill? 10-15! He didn't eat anything i bought, opting for the watermelon, salads, and broiled fish! I need to get on this bandwagon! He continues to be my amazing son, the man with the plan. I whined that he needed to live closer, and he calmly looked at me and said "2 years, mom". The man with the plan, who sticks to it no matter what. I want to be just like him when i grow up!
Shauna, who's been finishing up a big case at work in DC, took the weekend to visit with some girlfriends and her sis, Jennie, in Jamaica! She's just getting home....and we're hoping that the weekend Glen Beck fiasco in the district isn't messing with her inbound flight too bad. I think we're going to get together the end of next month...so I'm giddy with anticipation over that!
and molly....my beautiful molly...is SO loving being back to school with all of her teachers and friends. She regaining more words everyday...and although she doesn't say bad ones, will admonish her father if he slips (Cardinal pitching), which lets me know she is AWARE of the bad words! It's too funny to watch her hands on her hips, and her low voice saying "dadddddddddddy" in that tone that means he's in trouble.
She was so animated at Disney! and LOVED the scary rides!! My beautiful girl....
and this? this is 13 seconds after we walked from the airport to the long-distance parking. :-)
ALSO? A big shout out to all the readers that nominated me for the medical transcription blogging award!! I was so surprised and happy to add it! THANK YOU!!
Saturday, August 14, 2010
The Blessed Summer is coming to an end..*sniff*
Summer is flying by at warp speed. Haven't even got a chance to tell yall how fabulous Disney World was! (next time it'll happen in October, though)
(that's brandi's cody from Texas, who met us at the Magic Kingdom)
I've taken a couple of vacations in this last six weeks, because that's when molly kate is flying without a net (no school or therapies) poor daddy (ex-detective) still needs a little back-up when it comes to a bored child. She was good for a couple of weeks, but then? Started getting up and getting ready with me as i prepped for work, grabbed her backpack and then sat at the picture window sobbing as i left. *sigh*
This past week, thought about a quick juant to DC, but Shauna was just finishing up a big case (18 hr days, 7 days/wk), and
I thought I would be a distraction. She just turned all the work in, and flew to New Orleans with the doctor/friend for a little respite herself. (but fishing? really?)
Gabe and Ally were jonesin' for some baby help as both had big work details so I turned my attention to snatching up granddaughters, and partying with them for the week before school starts for molly....so off to Springfield we go! (and the sarge didn't understand why I insisted on the 7 passenger Tahoe)
Zoey Grace is ADORRRRRABLLLLEEEE!!!
Zoey Grace is 4-5 months old, spoiled rotten & well deserving of it and totally in love with?? The Sarge!! grrrrrrrrrrrrrr I mean, yea, you want your g-babies to love ...but???well??? ...she's a needy litttle thing, likes to be held all waking hours, still gets up once a night (about 4am) to tank a bottle....you would think MOM-MOM would be her hero. Nope, the sarge walks in, and she SHINES and SQUEALS!!
Zoey also is adorned with the constant attention of a doting aunt, who, unable to say her Z's has been super-frustrated at not being able to pronounce her name. She calls her Bayyyybeeeee -------- weird noise --------
Aubrey Jo is 2, and wayyy too smart for her britches. Nothing is left unexplored, untried, and untasted. I collapse when she's nods off, but she is sweet as southern sugared tea, and knows how to work mom-mom jusssssssst so! She is also way hillarious with her 7 year old vocabulary, in her super tiny body, which is confusing because she eats constantly...notice how mommy and daddy's pic is there for breakfast! (she's only asked for them once, at naptime)
I'll leave you with pics, and Aubrey-isms:
"Aubrey Jo!! don't be stinky! Play nice, we really like nice girls!"
(her sniffling) "But Aubrey Jo IS stinky...Aubrey Jo has stinky feet"
those don't look stinky to me, but covered in popsicle drippings
*****************************************************************
I haz a BOOOOOGERRR!!! HELP!! (she can operate each nostril seperately)
*****************************************************************
"Zoey plays wif with Molly Cake"
"Aubrey Jo is playing with Alyce the Grape (we call my mom Alyce the Great)
when the UPS/Mail/Fed Ex guys show up:
"Pizzaaaaaaaaaaaa is here!!"
A million bucks? Not necessary...but this week? I wish would last forever.
(that's brandi's cody from Texas, who met us at the Magic Kingdom)
I've taken a couple of vacations in this last six weeks, because that's when molly kate is flying without a net (no school or therapies) poor daddy (ex-detective) still needs a little back-up when it comes to a bored child. She was good for a couple of weeks, but then? Started getting up and getting ready with me as i prepped for work, grabbed her backpack and then sat at the picture window sobbing as i left. *sigh*
This past week, thought about a quick juant to DC, but Shauna was just finishing up a big case (18 hr days, 7 days/wk), and
I thought I would be a distraction. She just turned all the work in, and flew to New Orleans with the doctor/friend for a little respite herself. (but fishing? really?)
Gabe and Ally were jonesin' for some baby help as both had big work details so I turned my attention to snatching up granddaughters, and partying with them for the week before school starts for molly....so off to Springfield we go! (and the sarge didn't understand why I insisted on the 7 passenger Tahoe)
Zoey Grace is ADORRRRRABLLLLEEEE!!!
Zoey Grace is 4-5 months old, spoiled rotten & well deserving of it and totally in love with?? The Sarge!! grrrrrrrrrrrrrr I mean, yea, you want your g-babies to love ...but???well??? ...she's a needy litttle thing, likes to be held all waking hours, still gets up once a night (about 4am) to tank a bottle....you would think MOM-MOM would be her hero. Nope, the sarge walks in, and she SHINES and SQUEALS!!
Zoey also is adorned with the constant attention of a doting aunt, who, unable to say her Z's has been super-frustrated at not being able to pronounce her name. She calls her Bayyyybeeeee -------- weird noise --------
Aubrey Jo is 2, and wayyy too smart for her britches. Nothing is left unexplored, untried, and untasted. I collapse when she's nods off, but she is sweet as southern sugared tea, and knows how to work mom-mom jusssssssst so! She is also way hillarious with her 7 year old vocabulary, in her super tiny body, which is confusing because she eats constantly...notice how mommy and daddy's pic is there for breakfast! (she's only asked for them once, at naptime)
I'll leave you with pics, and Aubrey-isms:
"Aubrey Jo!! don't be stinky! Play nice, we really like nice girls!"
(her sniffling) "But Aubrey Jo IS stinky...Aubrey Jo has stinky feet"
those don't look stinky to me, but covered in popsicle drippings
*****************************************************************
I haz a BOOOOOGERRR!!! HELP!! (she can operate each nostril seperately)
*****************************************************************
"Zoey plays wif with Molly Cake"
"Aubrey Jo is playing with Alyce the Grape (we call my mom Alyce the Great)
when the UPS/Mail/Fed Ex guys show up:
"Pizzaaaaaaaaaaaa is here!!"
A million bucks? Not necessary...but this week? I wish would last forever.
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