Sunday, February 12, 2006

good morning! im still here.....

once a month...consider my postings a lunar cycle...or maybe it's just that i only get a chance to think once a month!

We managed to get thru the holidays, and rolled right into a remodel at the store....and really, it's been extremely organized compared to the two i've seen before....contained chaos we'll call it.

the general population...the customers...were my biggest surprise. They SO HATED us TOUCHING their store...without the benefit of personal consultations of each and every one of them! They yell...offer suggestions...and complain about the type of flooring we're going with. They complain about that alot...and loudly.

I'm still struggling with being such a different person at home.

I dunno...age....attitude...everything....i thought i was done changing as a person, but the morph continues. Thank God i have the kind of husband i do. He is alot like my molly (the youngest with downs sydrome) I know, i know..that sounds so bad....or maybe it correctly describes this disorder.

Both are very comfortable, and can sustain any treatment, dr's, change of any kind, as long as the routine is not interrupted...or, done so at an easy rate, so that they can adjust to the change.

Supper on time....(both) cheetoes in the snack cupboard (her) coke in the fridge (him) dora on tv (her) missouri football/basketball/nascar/pro-football/baseball on tv (him)

as long as those things are present.. anything else can happen...just keep the solid base of monotony at home...and we can handle the rest.

I hear women complaining about the mundane of it all...but me??? I like it. I live in the world of retail, where ANYTHING can happen at the drop of a hat....and it is so nice to get home to the mundane...i find great comfort in it.

It's snowing this weekend....there is a huge nor'easter out east, but talked to shauna this morning, and DC got just a dusting...she is amazed at the panic that proceded that near miss. "nothin like chicago"

we had flurries for the past two days here in southern missouri...none of which have made it to the ground, just the pretty flurrying. we live in a snow globe...warm, with a view.

Our world was rocked this week, another trooper was hit while investigating an accident...amazing. Missouri has laws on the books now, 3 other three others have died in the last 6 months of the same thing, and yet we have another hit. Attention defecit in it's purest's maddening. And a half hour south of arkansas, another lawman was murdered, by a psycho who escaped from new jersey, after attacking patrons of a gay bar. It was later found, that he was on his way toward a full blown killing spree, so that was prevented...although it makes the loss no easier to handle.

Yes, I thank God everyday for the mundane...a feat we only could perform, after the sarge retired from the patrol.

My heart and prayers go out to the law enforcement families that have to deal with the 'ultimate sacrifice'... as well as to the families of those that are still workin the streets, daily. They only get the bad press...and that is so unfair.

Shauna was in chicago this week, taking the final test of the PMF ...the presidential fellowship she made the finals of (THE only student in her law school that made the finals, might i add) Winning this would be fabulous for her...but the competion is national and huge...many wonderful young attnys to be.

but she's shauna, and she has yet to figure out just how special she is...another twin bladed irony of life...her naivety is so much part of her charm...she is unassuming...well liked, as well as likes all.

she doesnt understand she is OUTSTANDING! as a human, as a woman, and as part of me...she's beautiful, smart, organized, goal driven....yet to meet would never even see it...she keeps all of that for her professional life. In person, she is a goofy big sister, who always makes the time, to do a few hours of 'ring around the rosey' with a little sister, who never grows tired of it....she is THE one to watch a chick flick with...and can still make me laugh till my eyes water...

I find great joy in all my children...and with the older three??? also great sadness.

It's hard for me to part with doubt im so excited to watch them carve out their lives....good or bad i can see with mama's experienced eyes...that all of it is shaping them...and im satisfied that all of them are going to be the kind of citizens, and humans, we all want as neighbors on this big ole earth...but, but, my BABIESSSSSSS!! It is everything i can do to keep from crying at just the thought of it...they cannot be this old! They have been my life for so's almost as if i have no life without them....and so, the morph continues....

Those feelings helped me at the beginning, with molly kate, i think....She will have her own challenges to face, but i've never worried about the diagnosis.

i get to have her as a baby a little longer...and now that the top three have flown the nest...i've come to realize, that THAT is not a bad thing...

she's just taking a little more time to get there, and time is becoming the commodity to posess as we age now, isnt it? I am so past the million dollar's TIME! and it sucks sooooooo bad, that by the time we get to realize that....there isnt the alot of time left to make good use of that knowledge OR the physical stamina to enjoy it! to the REALLY is aweful that i have to go BACK to work, just to shop! I catch hell from the working associates....have managers comment on my beer purchase...and am usually attacked by lost customers, who know who i am (20 years tends to keep you close in their memories)

But, all the dora dvd's are trashed...and i have to make a valentine box!

ahhh the mundane...i'll take it!

see ya,


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