good morning! im still here.....

once a month...consider my postings a lunar cycle...or maybe it's just that i only get a chance to think once a month!

We managed to get thru the holidays, and rolled right into a remodel at the store....and really, it's been extremely organized compared to the two i've seen before....contained chaos we'll call it.

the general population...the customers...were my biggest surprise. They SO HATED us TOUCHING their store...without the benefit of personal consultations of each and every one of them! They yell...offer suggestions...and complain about the type of flooring we're going with. They complain about that alot...and loudly.

I'm still struggling with being such a different person at home.

I dunno...age....attitude...everything....i thought i was done changing as a person, but the morph continues. Thank God i have the kind of husband i do. He is alot like my molly (the youngest with downs sydrome) I know, i know..that sounds so bad....or maybe it correctly describes this disorder.

Both are very comfortable, and can sustain any treatment, dr's, change of any kind, as long as the routine is not interrupted...or, done so at an easy rate, so that they can adjust to the change.

Supper on time....(both) cheetoes in the snack cupboard (her) coke in the fridge (him) dora on tv (her) missouri football/basketball/nascar/pro-football/baseball on tv (him)

as long as those things are present.. anything else can happen...just keep the solid base of monotony at home...and we can handle the rest.

I hear women complaining about the mundane of it all...but me??? I like it. I live in the world of retail, where ANYTHING can happen at the drop of a hat....and it is so nice to get home to the mundane...i find great comfort in it.

It's snowing this weekend....there is a huge nor'easter out east, but talked to shauna this morning, and DC got just a dusting...she is amazed at the panic that proceded that near miss. "nothin like chicago"

we had flurries for the past two days here in southern missouri...none of which have made it to the ground, just the pretty flurrying. we live in a snow globe...warm, with a view.

Our world was rocked this week, another trooper was hit while investigating an accident...amazing. Missouri has laws on the books now, 3 other three others have died in the last 6 months of the same thing, and yet we have another hit. Attention defecit in it's purest form..it's maddening. And a half hour south of us...in arkansas, another lawman was murdered, by a psycho who escaped from new jersey, after attacking patrons of a gay bar. It was later found, that he was on his way toward a full blown killing spree, so that was prevented...although it makes the loss no easier to handle.

Yes, I thank God everyday for the mundane...a feat we only could perform, after the sarge retired from the patrol.

My heart and prayers go out to the law enforcement families that have to deal with the 'ultimate sacrifice'... as well as to the families of those that are still workin the streets, daily. They only get the bad press...and that is so unfair.

Shauna was in chicago this week, taking the final test of the PMF ...the presidential fellowship she made the finals of (THE only student in her law school that made the finals, might i add) Winning this would be fabulous for her...but the competion is national and huge...many wonderful young attnys to be.

but she's shauna, and she has yet to figure out just how special she is...another twin bladed irony of life...her naivety is so much part of her charm...she is unassuming...well liked, as well as likes all.

she doesnt understand she is OUTSTANDING! as a human, as a woman, and as part of me...she's beautiful, smart, organized, goal driven....yet to meet her...you would never even see it...she keeps all of that for her professional life. In person, she is a goofy big sister, who always makes the time, to do a few hours of 'ring around the rosey' with a little sister, who never grows tired of it....she is THE one to watch a chick flick with...and can still make me laugh till my eyes water...

I find great joy in all my children...and with the older three??? also great sadness.

It's hard for me to part with them...no doubt im so excited to watch them carve out their lives....good or bad i can see with mama's experienced eyes...that all of it is shaping them...and im satisfied that all of them are going to be the kind of citizens, and humans, we all want as neighbors on this big ole earth...but, but, my BABIESSSSSSS!! It is everything i can do to keep from crying at just the thought of it...they cannot be this old! They have been my life for so long...it's almost as if i have no life without them....and so, the morph continues....

Those feelings helped me at the beginning, with molly kate, i think....She will have her own challenges to face, but i've never worried about the diagnosis.

i get to have her as a baby a little longer...and now that the top three have flown the nest...i've come to realize, that THAT is not a bad thing...

she's just taking a little more time to get there, and time is becoming the commodity to posess as we age now, isnt it? I am so past the million dollar thing....it's TIME! and it sucks sooooooo bad, that by the time we get to realize that....there isnt the alot of time left to make good use of that knowledge OR the physical stamina to enjoy it!

Ok...off to the store....it REALLY is aweful that i have to go BACK to work, just to shop! I catch hell from the working associates....have managers comment on my beer purchase...and am usually attacked by lost customers, who know who i am (20 years tends to keep you close in their memories)

But, all the dora dvd's are trashed...and i have to make a valentine box!

ahhh the mundane...i'll take it!

see ya,

e

well...i made it, kind of...through Christmas...

it was our biggest ever....but even though people seemed to have more money to spend, they definitely were NOT happy about it!

i was so bummed, that when we finally got to a slow down, i tried to pull a couple of days off to recoup...and caught shit about 'trying to weasle 4 months of vacation out of 4 weeks' so ....crap...

just told my manager to forget it! ill just stay there and work with a bad attitude, and worry about the MESS at home, i just can't seem to get to!!

crap....just another example....he throws my vacation up in my face all the time...wouldnt let me take a day or two...i had to TAKE IT ALL!! well...hell...if i wanted to take it all...i would take it all when my child was out of school!! did that happen??? ohhhhhhh nooooooo we were WAY too busy for me to take time when my kids were home!! grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

he is always throwing the fact that i get 4 weeks of vacation up in my face....well shit...look at it from my point of view, buddy....ive been here 20 years....you made me sign off on working any sundays...which took $150.00 off the top of each check.....i have no retirement...i lose about 2 grand every year on the profit sharing....and my feet/back/legs/hands....are nearly ruined from my devotion to this company

not complaining...just the facts

the fact that ive EARNED 4 weeks of paid vacation a year, is not one for you to fret about...IT'S ALL IVE GOT!! and i should be able to take it...WHEN THE HELL I WANT....not when you dictate to me, and in increments you dictate to me.

i might add...i have called in sick, in 20 years....FEWER TIMES, than our new hires in our area have, in the LAST 6 MONTHS!!

we have had to fire DOZENS of associates...MANY OF THEM MANAGEMENT....for doing the baloney pony at work....even caught a girl who was giving head in the hay trailor!!! FFS!! i have NEVER hosed anyone at work!! that comes with the young-hormone induced group, they think are the ONLY ones who need to be working there!

i would hope, the the upper management would reconsider their decisions about the future of the company...and see that the most valuble associates, SHOULD be their mangagment team...that we SHOULD have in-house management, that doesnt need to relocate...and that THEY should be promoted on time served, and morals proven....NOT ON GENDER!! you need to look at the associates that built your company...that are loyal to sam's ideas...and that are willing to WORK HARD to get the job done!! that is another phrase these youngsters just don't get...HARD WORK

they come in...visit, hide, talk, gossip, talk on their cell phones...and SCREW AROUND!! is this how you're going to keep the company viable????? THINK ABOUT IT!!

anyway....just bidin my time...and they can harass long time associates all they want...i still show up everyday...work 10 times harder and smarter than those young, 'low cost-no benefits' people, that they think they should hand the reins to the company to.....

and i know something that he doesnt know.....after they get rid of all of us....they are gonna git rid of HIM!! welcome to my world, mr management.....

i can't believe he accused ME of weasling ANYTHING outta the company...hell, im an old-timer....the ones they expected to work off the clock.....the ones that built the company into what it is....some like me...just won a HUGE lawsuit for what was expected of them....

i remember the old Christmas...we would have to stay after the doors closed on Christmas eve...and reset the store for january....i wouldnt get home on Christmas eve till midnight or after (by the way...do you KNOW how hard it is, and how much it costs, to get a sitter on Christmas EVE??????)...anyway...i would wrap till 4am, drop, and the kids would be up by 5 to see the ONE gift that santa brought....(i was making $3.45/hr)...next morning??? i would have to be back at the store at 5am.

point being...i wouldnt take a MINUTE from this company....and everytime he gets in my face with a 'weasling' comment like that...my guts churn! HOW RUDE!!

funny thing too....in order to be in management, you have to be willing to relocate at the drop of a hat....everytime i was asked to step up...they would stick that out there first...KNOWING that as a single parent...i could NOT just up and jump and drag three kids all over the country....

well...this particular member of management, had come back to us as an associate! you see, they told him it was time for him to relocate at whatever store he was training in...and he refused...so they BUSTED him! he came back to us....worked for about a month as an associate...and then PRESTO-CHANGO...he is again a member of management...and not one that has to relocate!

so i guess the rule is...if you are a WOMAN, and want to be a member of management...you have to relocate....with the men, we'll just work around that little prob.....

ugh!!

anyway...here's my post from the room....just to journal mollys life...

mollysmommaMemberPosts: 1187(1/2/06 8:45 pm)Reply Edit
oh well FFS, i give up!!

i have all the learning stuff....her and i constantly work on phonics, letters, pronouncing...

she just walked into the living room.....looked at the missouri basketball game....threw her arms up in the air, and yelled as plain as could be....TOUCHDOWN!!!

and then slammed some tippy cup, and faked a belch

heaven help us all....

well...so much for a daily journal!! :-)

it's 8 degrees here, in southern missouri...coldest i can remember it ever being here! odd weather for sure....

we are 16 days away from Christmas, and it's a little odd at the store, too! The big boss has been walking around, shopping, talking merchandise...and get this....LAUGHING!

im befuddled, to say the least....he walked in to the dept yesterday....i had a pallet, a 6 wheeler, both loaded with freight....and about 6 carts, filled and ready to dispense to different locations....

we usually try and keep the carts hidden, as it is his #1 PET PEEVE!.....yet he just walked over, looked at the MP3 display case...and commented that there were still 3 left! (he's been eyeballing one of these for his child)

he left with no comment on the disarray........scary....just scary

this is the time of year, we are all geared for him to spontaneously burst a vein in his usually maroon colored neck!

at home...everyone is healthy, and as happy as can be....literally in the sarge's case....'as happy as possible' is about all we can hope for! :-)

the general public has been crude and rude, and even moreso than i geared for....i know, when i leave this company...it'll be with a bang....hahahah

sorry no more to add...im stymied!~ still trying to figure out what happened, to make 'the man' so cheerful....

keep warm,

e

wow...what a week! (ok, maybe month) believe it or not...i have not even been able to sit down here at the computer!!

work is still awful....so much hidden stuff...we're relatively sure, wal-mart has placed a bounty on all the heads of long term associates....i.e., if, as a member of management, you can get an 'old-timer' to quit,or fire them... then your year end bonus is gonna be a few grand heavier!

sux to work like that...i love the company, at least the company i started working for...and now i have to watch my back, closely, as they are watching every move i make. and they are digging for NOTHING.... They've tried to fire one...who fought her way back....sent one home for 3 days, on bullshit charges...and surprisingly enough...she came back (i thought she would lose her temper, and quit...and im sure they thought the same thing) and they just shamed another into just quitting....after she committed the UNGODLY walmart sin, of having angina ON THE CLOCK!! man, when i got that report back from the cardiologist...i would be walking it right over to the best attny in the states....i would NEVER just give in like that....NEVER

i would hope, they would just ask us to leave if they were done with us....shit, it's not like we work in bentonville, and are gonna file for, and receive a 6 million dollar severance, like EMBEZZLERS DO!! "reward the assholes, and crap on the foot soldiers"...seems to be the new walmart phrase now.

just don't ruin our names, and destroy our psychia by this mind hosing!! They have no idea....this is not just our livelihood....this is our life work and committment (we committed to sam)....and by trying to destroy it...they are treading on human cruelty!

i hope they mounted ole sam, on a skewer in his casket.....as he's doing alot more than turning over, in his grave.
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my supervisor, but more appropriately, my bestest bud at work, lost her son last saturday, under 'inconclusive' circumstances....which almost makes it worse, if there can be a worse...

he was found at an apt/home he'd rented, with a 'less than savory' family...with a gunshot wound to the head. How that happened is still a little up in the air...we're all leaning toward suicide, but there was something at the scene that puzzled lawmen....so he was sent to Little Rock, for a closer examination....im sure it will be weeks, before a conclusion is found.

we had a memorial service yesterday, and hopefully, this family of a loving mom (whom had been estranged from her 21 year old son...under 'tough love' type circumstances)....and two little sisters....who adored their big brother, and whos young lives will now be altered by this event.

ive been so worried about them...and between the stress of that situation, and the extra load at work....am EXHAUSTED!! one more day of work, today....and then off for two glorious days...YEA. It has been too sureal....as her and i have shared the problems of having over-testesteroned young men/sons...we compare our problems with them daily, and ache over them together.....it scares me to think that this could ever be a possiblitly, for a child to choose.....and our lives too are now altered....how can i gripe about gabe to her now???

and instead of keeping that boot in gabe's ass, all the time....maybe i need to spend some time apprceciating him more...he has so much potential....and maybe college isnt gonna be in his future....maybe i should just support him a little more....

if you pray...offer a few for this family.

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my uncle in colo, died also this week, and i really wanted to be there for that, and for my dad...who i know was reeling over this one....but i think that wouldnt work out...cuz i needed to be here for dana....mom and dad should be home by now...and getting back to some normalcy in thier lives....it must be so hard, to be at an age...where all of your buds, and now your siblings, start to just drop off...i cant imagine, and hope that there is a tougher exterior to my heart, by the time i get there!
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the weather finally turned here in southern missouri....too wonderful and strange in our little part of the woods...we went from 93 degree days, and green foliage....to a cool and colorful autumn...in about 12 hours!

molly kate jumped right on to the band wagon, too!! after a relatively uneventful summer (health wise) her little lungs are now loaded with fluid....and occasionally she spikes a fever....we've taken steps to combat the fluids, and are waiting to see if this goes away, or blows up into pneumonia....tick tock...tick tock....tick tock....

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little bill brought his woman home, to meet mama....and it was good that molly was off a few days, gave up her last dental appt, and that mama's time at the funeral,all fell right in the same week....

everyone got a little time together!

angela seems to be a nice girl....although too little frame wise...and bill seems very comfortable with her...

somewhere this last year...when i wasnt looking....he became a man.

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one more day of work...still forcasting a warm weekend...well...until my first day off, on sunday.....then rain....BOO!! oh yea...BOO!! halloween is monday night...im off...and have to find a game to play with molly's classmates!!

after all my elder kids are raised, im finally getting to enjoy being a room mom...and all that stuff i missed, while i was slaving my life away, for a company who is done with me, now!

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

good morning

finally getting back in here!! we've been so busy, enjoying the onset of fall. Got some fall bulbs purchased (but not in, yet) closing down the pool, finishing up innoculations, getting into the routine of a school year ...and you know, with us, that means...law school, college, and kindergarten...heheheheh...and trying to get ready to lose this fabulous summmer...

we have one more day of warm, and then the cooler weather is rumored to start down...there are pumpkins and mums in the front yard, on a haybale, with a scarecrow stuck in it.....a jack-0-latern in the front window, and little ghosts in the trees....

im up early, enjoying don imus' bad mood, and wondering how he keeps all his friends...i notice not a word from bernie....they are all cowering...crazy at is seems...between him and jon stewart, i seem to be able to decipher all the news of the day, in a more sane way. That doesnt say a whole lotta good, about all the news of the day....

my uncle don is in salt lake, and was just put on a respirator...im afraid he's lost his battle, and im sorry that my dad has to go through the loss of another sibling...our family has been so unscathed by any tragedy...and this year, with bury two of the remaining 7....this is my dad's YOUNGER brother...so im sure that makes it doubly hard on him...i hear him wanting to be there, but afraid to go and look death in the face...it's so heartbreaking, and the mortality of parents and uncles, are leaving a lasting impression on me, also.....sometimes this 'circle of life' thing...sucks majorly!

ive always said...i really think, hell is here on earth...and heaven is when you get to stop it...kinda like when you stop banging yourself in the head with a ballpeen hammer....
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my smoking is still happening...(even though ive enjoyed the wonderful benefits of trying to stop, like eating my co-workers alive, and gaining 25 pounds)

and after the wonderful day at walmart world i had yesterday..ill probably keep on puffing!...ugh. I cannot WAIT to retire from this job, and do something else...they are sucking the life right outta me!!

they cut our hours...so i agreed to pick molly up from school, and let the sarge run around with his bud, and do man things for the day (poor guy) and as i left the store, it was rumored that we were to have a visit from our regional!! i knew the rumor must be true, because all management was frothing at the mouth.

i noticed our fearless leader was again, unseeable....if you're there early...you'll catch him touring, but you never see him again....i should have such a job

Im glad i got to slip away unnoticed...it would not have surprised me, if they would have made me stay, and held it against me, if i refused so as not to leave my child stranded on the street....they don't seem to understand those responsibilities.....and i worry about their children.

anyway...ill start back on the nicotine patches tonight...if i can get them bought, which seems to be the only hold up so far...having the strength to stay ONE MORE SECOND in that store, longer than i need to!!

plus the fact, that i hate seeing ole beady eyes, in my former position.(i miss the work of the pharmacy, but am glad im outta that one) ...staring and making her little barbs

I stopped to see one of my FRIENDS in there the other day...and ole beady, just about fell OVER herself...getting to me, thinking i had a script to drop off (fat chance)...she was so embarrassed, that she couldnt pull back.....all i can ever think of , while im ignoring her, is the phrase 'bitch slap'....:-)

the bad thing about making the decisions to change pharmacies, on principle of course, with me, it's always about principle's ...is the fact that my new pharmacy, has not an Rx right, yet...last month, they misfilled my levothyroxin....not a big deal..but wrong anyway! you just can't have consistant wrongs in a pharmacy, and they are definitely consistant!! ill have to move again...and it's a small town, so there isnt much move space available!!
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im going to make it happen (the smoking, not the bitch slapping)....i tried the hypnosis, (don't waste your money), but it did help me realize that there is going to be no easy way to accomplish this....but i know it has to happen, and it has to happen now!

wish me well, ill keep you posted, and you'll probably get sick of my rambling, once the weather turns, and im stuck in the house....bored outta my mind, and i move into my blog page!!

not the best day..invested a BUNCH into a hypnotherapist.....been trying to quit smoking for over 2 months now....

all ive managed to do, is put on 20 pounds...and be in a bad mood most of the time....still smoking though...CRAP!! although i have cut down a bit...

i want so badly to join the ranks of the holier-than-thou non-smokers...i hate everything about it...especially the control it has over me....but NOT smoking...sends me into a psychotic episode...

and while im thinking about...God bless my ole man, he puts up with alot!!

anyway...i got under...i know i did...it just didnt take

molly had a great day at school, while mommy was away being stupid....she keeps right up with the other kinders, if you don't count speech or writing....


gabe and shauna (college boy and law school girl) both called to see how i did....what a disappointment i feel i am to both kids...who both closet smoke, btw....

ugh

well...lets see if i can do this again...tried to spell check, and lost my entire post....and thats me in a nutshell!!

im e...mom to seven in a blended family, the youngest, molly kate, having down's syndrome. we refer to it as trisomy 21,( T-21) and will do so from now on, the above just for you newbies.

i live in southern missouri, with the above-mentioned skunk, and the senior skunk, who is mostly referred to as 'the sarge'. He retired from the state patrol to follow his dreams, rebuild a classic car, tournament bass fish, and relax and let the last 35 years of law enforcement escape his psyche.

but him and his reckless sperm, now attend kindergarten parent-teacher meetings, pack lunches and backpacks, and has learned how to COCK- a -DOODLE- DO, with the WIGGLES!

(we just got the champion boat recarpeted....so he'll be back on the fishing tourney stuff soon)

Im still working 40 hours plus a week, and desperately want to retire from THAT job....but, you know, insurance, $$$$$ and the like...im gonna have to do the 'oprah' thing soon, and just dive into what i want to do!! and hopefully make a little money at it!!

problem is...i really don't know what it is i want to do when i grow up......i have lots of ideas...but just won't take the leap. i am working on it though...one day....i swear...one day.

i put the word DOWN'S SYNDROME up fast and first...so that those of you that are dealing with this diagnosis, may stumble upon this blog, and trust me...all the answers you are seeking will be in here....

the main answer right now is STOP WORRYING YOU DID NOTHING WRONG...and that we are a very typical family...molly kate is 5 years old, and in a typical kindergarten class...

she has her 'things', but they do not differ from any other of the 6 before her...all typical kids. EVERY KID has their 'things' (Bill, at 19 yrs old, STILL cannot have his food touched! and law-school girl, shauna, never has a cold, she is always sure it's NOSE CANCER!) heheheheh

like with any other kid, (or husband) you compensate for whatever 'thing' it is, and go on to live your life.

the main message???? it's gonna be fine...life is gonna be fine...and along the way...you are going to become a better person....

you'll be more tolerant of ANYONE who is not just like you....you'll make new and lasting friends....you'll become more educated, and doctors will learn to fear you! :-)

the one thing that people who dont deal with this, don't seem to understand, is that THERE IS REALLY NOTHING WRONG WITH HER!! jeeez...the only difference between molly kate and the rest of the block, is that at birth (which by the way these babies are THE most beautiful babies in the world, so you newbies can stop worrying about THAT, too!!) molly couldnt do the things that typical babies do, by nature....ie she had to TEACH herself to hold her head up high...she had to TEACH herself to sit up....things that just come naturally to others.

the really great thing about that...is that EVERY accomplishment she drives for....and lemme tell ya, this little skunk gets on MISSIONS...every single accomplishment is a celebration...you have never felt such pride for any child!!

more later, im gonna go put the finishing touches on this, and then clean up the disaster area i used to call my formal living room.....(just had a neighbor stop by and catch me without a bra, and wading through toys to answer the front door)

ahhhhhhhhhhhh yes, this is my life,

e